How Trump Blew the 2020 Election

Written By: Mark Crutcher

President of Life Dynamics

Now that some time has passed, it’s time for some honest reflections on the
2020 Presidential election.

First, let’s put the blame for Donald Trump’s loss where it belongs. We may not like hearing it, but his re-election bid failed because he was a political novice who was not schooled in certain realities.

For example, he naively assumed that
dying made you ineligible to vote.

The Commiecrats have known this wasn’t true since the days of Lyndon Johnson’s midnight voter registration drives in Texas cemeteries. So the Bidenistas simply channeled LBJ’s spirit and dragged corpses out of their coffins and into voting booths in record numbers – most of whom probably never voted even when they were alive.

Meanwhile, the Trump campaign was asleep at the switch and did nothing to register the millions of Graveyard Republicans buried around the country. Instead, they chose to focus on voters who could still fog a mirror. This was a major tactical error because it allowed the Commiecrats to recruit within the dead-but-politically-active community without opposition. This guaranteed that the “zombie vote” would lean heavily toward the Commiecrats, and in precincts where the race was close, that was often the difference between winning and losing.

Then there were the Multi-Dippers…

Then there were the Multi-Dippers – Commiecrats who take their civic duty to vote so seriously they vote several times – even when they have to go out of state to do it. And if we put aside those pesky election laws designed to keep this from happening, an argument can be made for this approach. After all, if voting is such a noble and patriotic thing to do, then it stands to reason that voting more than once is even more noble and more patriotic. Unfortunately, the amateurs and rookies over in the Trump campaign were oblivious to this fact and squandered valuable time and resources holding rallies that only attracted people who vote once.

These rallies also provided another example of Trump’s detachment from reality. They demonstrated that he was under the illusion that, in order to win the most important political office in the world, he needed to actually campaign. So every day, he’s out there flying thousands of miles and talking himself hoarse giving three, four, or five major speeches. Clearly, his political advisors were unaware of something their counterparts in Pedophile Joe’s campaign had figured out. Simply put, the new formula for being elected President of the United States is to have the candidate sit around his basement in his tighty-whities and black socks, drinking Mountain Dew, and watching cartoons.

The Tallywackers

The final piece of the puzzle was the people who tally the votes, sometimes referred to as Tallywackers. Historically, these people have operated on the assumption that their job was to count the votes, but in the 2020 election that attitude was dismissed as horse-and-buggy thinking. In this election, their job was not to determine who got the most votes, their job was to make sure who got the most votes. If Trump had just been sophisticated enough to recognize that those who cast votes are far less important than those who count votes, he could have brought in a few Tallywackers of his own and he would still be in office.

The Final Analysis

In the final analysis, the 2020 election proved that conventional wisdom is indeed correct: elections are won by the side that turns out their base. In this case, the Bidenistas knew that getting their semi-coherent candidate into office would require them to assemble a team of Corpses, Multi-Dippers, and Tallywackers. Once they had accomplished this, the Trump campaign failed to respond and the fat lady began to sing.

So yes, it is Donald Trump’s fault that he is not still in the White House. But of course, that shouldn’t come as any surprise given that, according to the media, academia, Hollywood, and every other Commiecrat enclave, Donald Trump is personally responsible for every bad thing that happens anywhere in the world. Why should the 2020 election be any different?