There is another side to the abortion debate that pro-choice advocates would love to stay buried…

…the regret, sadness, and horror that abortion has wreaked on lives.

Below are the stories of real people who, too late, learned that abortion devastates everyone it touches.

Clinic Workers

One of the biggest threats to the abortion industry is the growing decline in the number of doctors willing to perform abortions. Pro-choice advocates will claim that this is due to the “pro-life violence,” however the real reason has to do with the very service they are selling and the stigma that goes along with it. Don’t be fooled, the abortion industry was lamenting the shortage of abortionists long before any were ever shot.

In fact, by the early 1990s this had already taken a dramatic toll on the abortion industry. The result is that the overwhelming majority of those who wind up becoming abortionists are those who never wanted to be abortionists, but those who could not make it in real medicine. Those who have left the abortion industry have testified that, contrary to a Planned Parenthood commercial, life in the abortion industry is not like life in the rest of the medical community.

The statements below are a few of many former clinic staff, nurses, and abortionists who reveal what life is like in America’s abortion clinics…

The doctors get out because they can’t get rid of the nightmares.

“As a registered nurse, I thought that I had a wonderful opportunity as a nurse and as a firm believer in choice to be able to actually practice my political beliefs. I looked at it as a gift, so I went about working hard at the (abortion) clinic for four years and remained active within NOW

I never, ever had a doctor in the five years I was there who did abortions because he believed it was the right of the woman… I’m not saying that they don’t exist, but you certainly can’t prove it by me or by my clinic…

The horror of what you’ve been involved in doesn’t come to you right away. The doctors get out because they can’t get rid of the nightmares. I handled the ultrasound while the doctor performed the procedure and I directed him while I was watching the screen. I saw the baby pull away. I saw the baby open his mouth. I had seen Silent Scream a number of times, but it didn’t effect me. To me it was just more pro-life propaganda. But I couldn’t deny what I saw on the screen. After that procedure I was shaking, literally, but managed to pull it together and continue on with the day.”
Joan Appleton
Former Head nurse at the Commonwealth Clinic 1,4

It was like somebody put a hot poker into me.

“I had taken anatomy, I was a medical student. I knew what I was looking at. There was a little scapula and an arm, I saw some ribs and a chest, and a little tiny head. I saw a piece of a leg, and a tiny hand and an arm and, you know, it was like somebody put a hot poker into me. I had a conscience, and it hurt. Well, I checked it out and there were two arms and two legs and one head and so forth, and I turned and said, ‘I guess you got it all.’ That was a very hard experience for me to go through emotionally…

I didn’t talk with anybody about it, I didn’t talk with my folks about it, I didn’t think about it. I did nothing… Do you know what? It hurt a little bit less every time I saw one.

Then I got to sit down and do an abortion. Well, the first one that I did was kind of hard. It hurt me again like a hot poker. But after a while, it got to where it didn’t hurt. My heart got calloused. I was like a lot of people are today – afraid to stand up. I was afraid to speak up. Or some of us, maybe we aren’t afraid, but we just don’t have our own convictions settled yet.”
David Brewer
Former Illinois Abortionist 2

There are no words to describe how bad it really is.

“My job was to tell the doctor where the parts were, the head being of special significance because it is the most difficult to remove. The head must be deflated, usually by using the suction machine to remove the brain, then crushing the head with large forceps… There are no words to describe how bad it really is. I’ve seen sonograms of the baby pulling away from the instruments as they are introduced into the vagina. And I’ve seen D&E’s through 32 weeks done without the mother’s being put to sleep. And yes, they hurt and they are very painful to the baby and yes, they are very, very painful to the woman. I’ve seen six people hold a woman on the table while they did her abortion.”
Carol Everett
Former Dallas Abortion Clinic Operator 1,2

I began to feel like a paid assassin.

“And all of a sudden the idea of a person’s life becomes very real. It’s not an embryology course anymore; it’s not just a couple of hundred dollars. It’s the real thing. It’s your child you buried…The old discomforts came back in spades. I couldn’t even think about a D&E abortion any more, no way. Then you start to realize, this is somebody’s child… and I’m tearing them right out of their womb. I’m killing somebody’s child. That’s what it took to get me to change. My own sense of self-esteem went down the tubes. I began to feel like a paid assassin. That’s exactly what I was. You watch the movies, when somebody goes up to a hit man and pays them to kill someone; that’s exactly what I was doing. It got to a point that it just wasn’t worth it to me anymore. The money wasn’t worth it… So I quit.”
Anthony Levantino
Former New York Abortionist 2

I’ve seen the little rib cages.

“She still hears sounds of a ‘baby’s skull being crushed.’
I have been there, and I have seen these totally formed babies, as early as 10 weeks… with a leg missing or with their head off. . . I’ve seen the little rib cages.”
Debra Henry
Former Abortion Assistant 2

I took drugs to wake up in the morning.

“I took drugs to wake up in the morning, I took speed while I was at work.
And I smoked marijuana, drank lots of alcohol… this is the way that I coped
with what I did. It was horrible to work there, and there was no good in it.”
Nita Whitten
Former Secretary in a Texas Abortion Clinic 5

I was really completely unprepared for what I was seeing.

“The baby’s little fingers were clasping and unclasping, and his little feet were kicking. Then the doctor stuck the [surgical] scissors in the back of his head, and the baby’s arms jerked out… The doctor opened up the scissors, stuck a high-powered suction tube into the opening, and sucked the baby’s brains out. Now the baby went completely limp.

I was really completely unprepared for what I was seeing. I almost threw up as I watched Dr. Haskell doing these things… The woman wanted to see her baby, so they cleaned up the baby and put it in a blanket and handed it to her. She cried the whole time. She kept saying, ‘I am so sorry, please forgive me.’ I was crying, too. I couldn’t take it.”
Brenda Shafer
Former Nurse of Abortionist Martin Haskell 5

To my disbelief I saw tiny little arms with the hands attached intact.

“… my coworker called me to go look at what she was seeing in a container the doctor had just left on the counter after he was done with an abortion procedure. With horror she kept repeating, ‘We are going to go to Hell — Meri, come and see what is in here!’ I turned and started walking towards her, wondering what she was talking about.

When I got closer to look inside, to my disbelief I saw tiny little arms with the hands attached intact. I could see the tiny fingers and legs with tiny feet and toes floating in blood and solution. We just stood there without saying a word… After that day, things changed and I was not able to continue to do what I was doing.”
Merilida Aguilar
Former Planned Parenthood Manager & Abortion Coordinator 6

We were doing procedures up to 22 or 23 weeks… and that will give anyone a nightmare.

“I pray for the workers. They sometimes feel they have no other place to go and work, and they don’t make much money for what they have to do and put up with… Sometimes there’s a huge turnover, which is indicative of what they do in there… I thank Him (God), believe it or not everyday, that I’m no longer affiliated with a clinic… Two weeks ago… probably three nights in a row, I dreamt about that clinic… I’ve had nightmares… When I first had nightmares was way at the beginning, when we were doing procedures up to 22 or 23 weeks… and that will give anyone a nightmare… and my girls that worked for me had nightmares…”
Terri Denine
Former Orlando Abortion Clinic Manager 7

I just knew that I couldn’t be a part of abortion anymore.

“And as I brought out the rib cage, I looked and I saw a tiny, beating heart.
And when I found the head of the baby, I looked squarely in the face of another
human being – a human being that I’d just killed. I turned to the scrub nurse
and said, ‘I’m sorry.’ But I just knew that I couldn’t be a part of abortion anymore.”
Paul Jarrett
Former Abortionist 4

I was waking up every night having nightmares.

“… you’re dealing with death, day in and day out. The death of children…
We did second trimester abortions there; and there were only a few girls that
were medical assistants for that because it’s rather gruesome…” 8

“I worked in a place where I was waking up every night having nightmares
and screaming with images of pieces of babies floating in the air. My depression
and anxiety was horrific, and all because that ‘abortion is good for women’ is a lie.
Women are suffering all over this country because we who worked in the abortion
clinics and who work in the abortion clinics now are lying to them..” 23
Catherine Adair
Former Boston Planned Parenthood Worker

My heart still aches when I think about those days.

“I remember assisting, once in particular, in the operating room at the clinic where I had been a medical assistant for six years. I was standing behind the doctor and could see everything as he was performing an abortion on a woman who was 20 – 22 weeks pregnant… I could see the baby’s face. I don’t know how to describe what I felt at that moment.

I realized that we just killed a human being. But at the same time I thought: it is legal, so it must be all right. But my whole being was just screaming against what I just saw. I felt death. I was ashamed and confused as I was staring at the bloody parts of the baby. I can even say I felt the presence of the devil. It was very disturbing. My mind was so blinded by the darkness in it I was unable to do anything. Sometimes I think about that day and feel that I should have run away, or tried to stop this madness.

What were we doing, as medical professionals, as human beings? What happened to our hearts? Where was our compassion?… My heart still aches when I think about those days…”
Former Medical Assistant of An Abortion Clinic

I got to where I just couldn’t look at the little bodies anymore.

“The abortion itself was like a living hell. I thought my guts were being pulled out. It was degrading and I was terrified. When it was over, something made me ask the doctor, ‘Was it a boy or a girl?’ He answered, ‘I can’t tell, its in pieces.’ The counseling consisted of throwing some birth control pills at me.

It so hard to put into words how the abortion affected me. Looking back and knowing what I know now, I realize that I was going through almost classic Post-Abortion Syndrome. I became a tramp and slept with everyone and anyone. I engaged in unprotected sex, and each month when I wasn’t pregnant I would go into a deep depression. I was rebellious, I wanted my parents to see what I had become. I dropped out of college. I tried suicide, but I didn’t have the guts to slit my wrists or blow my brains out. I couldn’t get my hands on sleeping pills so I resorted to over-the-counter sleep aids and booze. I was driven with the need to have a child and I knew that if I was married my parents couldn’t do anything about it.

In trying to deal with the abortion, I had to face what I had done and beg forgiveness from my God. The hardest thing of all is trying to forgive myself. Not a day goes by that the abortion doesn’t cross my mind. It’s a constant struggle trying to overcome my guilt and depression, even knowing I have been forgiven.”
Beverly McMillan
Former Mississippi Abortionist 1,3,4


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