Below are the stories of real people who, too late, learned that abortion devastates everyone it touches.



Women

The media and the abortion industry have worked hard, for years, to portray abortion as empowering and a right that is essential for women’s equality. However, a number of studies have proven that abortion leads to “… increased risks of mental health problems. Those having an abortion had elevated rates of subsequent mental health problems including depression, anxiety, suicidal behaviours and substance use disorders.” 25 In fact, a 2011 study in the British Journal of Psychiatry found that, “Women who aborted were 81 percent more likely to experience mental health problems compared to all other control groups, and 55 percent more likely to have problems compared to women who delivered an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy.26


No one knows the truth about the effect of abortion better than the very women who have had abortions. In a report released by The South Dakota Task Force to Study Abortion, their interviews with around 2,000 women who have had abortions revealed, “a pattern of shared experiences and trauma and a common sense of loss.” 27 In an attempt to give a voice to these women, we share a few testimonies from those who are brave enough to speak out about their experience.

Please don’t make the same mistake I did.

“Please don’t make the same mistake I did. I was 18 years old when I got pregnant. Since I had already enlisted in the Air Force, I thought I had to have an abortion in order to make something out of my life. My best friend drove me to the abortion clinic. It was like an assembly line. When the ultrasound was being done I asked to see it. But this wasn’t allowed (so much for “an informed decision”).

Then I asked how far along I was. I was told I was nine-and-a-half weeks pregnant. That hit me hard. I started doubting, and wanted to talk to my friend, but I wasn’t allowed to. When it was my turn the nurse told me that I was going to feel some discomfort, like strong menstrual cramps. The truth is that the abortion was more pain than I’ve ever felt in my life. It felt like my insides were literally being sucked out of my body. Later I went into shock.

After the abortion, I tried to make up for it by trying to get pregnant again. I wanted my baby back. I never got pregnant again. I don’t know if I can ever have another baby. I named my baby. I found out later that this is part of the grieving process. Two-and-a-half years later, I ended up in the hospital with bulimia. I felt that no one had punished me for what I had done so I was punishing myself. I became obsessed with women who were pregnant. My life was in shambles! I was suffering from post-abortion trauma. When I was 21 years old I received help from a woman who was involved with pro-life activism. I went through a program called “Conquerors.” Not only did I experience forgiveness, I was also challenged to help others.”
Michelle 12

I can’t tell you what it’s like to grieve the emptiness of your arms, knowing what you did to your children; numbness; going through life raged.

“Eleven years, three clinics, two states, seven abortions, never was I once told of my physical, my emotional, my mental potential complications that I would face as a woman who chose — I chose; I was not forced; I chose to exercise my American right to choose.

But they never told me, Joyce, bilateral mammograms, ovarian cysts, the delivery of my last pregnancy of my baby — I have five children. I was in bed for five months and lost two pints of blood. I had a partial hysterectomy at the birth of my daughter. Do you know what it’s like to have to look in your children’s eyes and to tell them, ‘Mommy may die,’ but to then know it’s because I chose to exercise my right to choose? Because, you see, this was my 12th pregnancy.

The emotional complications have been just tremendous — mental anguish. I can’t tell you what it’s like to grieve the emptiness of your arms, knowing what you did to your children; numbness; going through life raged. For years my first response to everything was just anger. And I was there, but I wasn’t there in person. — Today I tell you, the nation, the world, abortion hurts women, and I deeply regret my choice.”
Joyce 16

All the years of substance abuse, low self esteem, suicidal tendencies, and self hatred began after that first abortion.

“Immediately after the abortion, nothing mattered to me, school, my life. I had very low self-esteem. It was nine years after that first abortion just three years after the second, that I began to realize that all the years of substance abuse, low self esteem, suicidal tendencies, and self hatred began after that first abortion.”
Karen 28

I regret it seriously.

“I had an abortion in 1981, and I regret it seriously, and I regret it because mostly I now know that women are strong enough to make truly life-affirming decisions. I was told that I was foolish, ignorant and immature not to realize how sensible it would be in my situation to have an abortion. I have worked since that time in all 50 states and in 17 countries overseas listening to women like myself who are angry that they feel betrayed by abortion rhetoric and slogans that suggest the best thing we can do when you face a crisis is put you in a situation where it’s you vs. your child. We think, as women who’ve been through abortion experiences in this country, we can do better for women and their children.”
Olivia 13

It could have possibly been loved by somebody else who could have taken care of it.

“…[Four days after the abortion] I went to the washroom and there was a fetus, and I thoroughly examined it. I held it on a piece of Kleenex. I kept saying to myself, ‘Don’t do that, you are hurting it,’ even though it was dead already [R’s voice choked]. I started thinking that it could have been a person it could have possibly been loved by somebody else who could have taken care of it. I thought as if it was almost still alive. That really shocked me.

For about a week I had it wrapped up in that Kleenex and in the cabinet underneath the sink. I couldn’t bring myself to throw it in the garbage or do anything like that. And then every time I came into the washroom I knew it would be in there and I wouldn’t dare open the door of the cabinet. After about a week I worked up enough nerve to take another look at it. But by this time it was all sticking to the Kleenex and I just didn’t want to start tearing it apart. So I ended up putting it in the garbage. It sounds so horrible saying it that way. It really affected me.
Anonymous Abortion Patient 11

It was a painful and emotional journey to get to where I’m at today.

“Abortion is not the answer… I chose to abort – twice. I was told I was too young at 17, had no family net, and a boyfriend who wanted nothing to do with becoming a parent. I take responsibility for my actions.

At 24 I failed to stay on birth control. It was a new relationship; and when I told the father of my second pregnancy, he wanted nothing to do with me or his child. I was alone and scared. I panicked. It was a nightmare. After the second abortion I suffered PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and finally got some help. I found my healing through a Christian-based counseling group called “Forgiven and Set free.” I found my healing and can move on now.

But that wasn’t easy. It was a painful and emotional journey to get to where I’m at today. Post traumatic stress disorder is serious. Losing a child is serious. There are two victims in this tragic experience. We are left here on earth to deal with the suffering – mentally, emotionally, and psychological effects of choosing to abort. Please rethink your decision for everyone involved.”
Cami 15

Not a day goes by that the abortion doesn’t cross my mind.

“The abortion itself was like a living hell. I thought my guts were being pulled out. It was degrading and I was terrified. When it was over, something made me ask the doctor, ‘Was it a boy or a girl?’ He answered, ‘I can’t tell, its in pieces.’ The counseling consisted of throwing some birth control pills at me.

It so hard to put into words how the abortion affected me. Looking back and knowing what I know now, I realize that I was going through almost classic Post-Abortion Syndrome. I became a tramp and slept with everyone and anyone. I engaged in unprotected sex, and each month when I wasn’t pregnant I would go into a deep depression. I was rebellious, I wanted my parents to see what I had become. I dropped out of college. I tried suicide, but I didn’t have the guts to slit my wrists or blow my brains out. I couldn’t get my hands on sleeping pills so I resorted to over-the-counter sleep aids and booze. I was driven with the need to have a child and I knew that if I was married my parents couldn’t do anything about it.

In trying to deal with the abortion, I had to face what I had done and beg forgiveness from my God. The hardest thing of all is trying to forgive myself. Not a day goes by that the abortion doesn’t cross my mind. It’s a constant struggle trying to overcome my guilt and depression, even knowing I have been forgiven.”
Anonymous Abortion Patient 18

I will never forgive myself for being such a weak individual.

“I had an abortion three days ago. It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I went in knowing I wanted to keep my baby, and I came out without him. I feel like my life has no purpose. I cannot breathe sometimes. I was pushed to do something that I did not want to do, and I will never forgive myself for being such a weak individual.”
Tessa 17

To this day I still have dreams of a faceless child and wake up in the middle of the night crying.

“This is something that has haunted us both (my boyfriend and I) all of our lives. It will never go away; and I know because our baby should have been nineteen years old this month. To this day I still have dreams of a faceless child and wake up in the middle of the night crying.”
Christine 21

My abortions were supposed to be a “quick-fix” for my problems, but they didn’t tell me there is no “quick-fix” for regrets.”

“I wasn’t told that it would become impossible to look at my own eyes in the mirror… I wasn’t told that I would come to hate all those who advised me to have my abortions, because they were my accomplices in the murders of my babies. I wasn’t told that having an abortion with my husband’s consent would cause me to hate the father of my children, or that I would be unable to sustain any satisfying, lasting, and fulfilling relationships.

I wasn’t told that I could become suicidal in the fall of every year, when both of my babies should have been born. I wasn’t told that on the birthdays of my living children, I would remember the two for whom I would never make a birthday cake, or that on Mother’s Day I would remember the two who never send me a card, or that every Christmas I would remember the two for whom there would be no presents. My abortions were supposed to be a “quick-fix” for my problems, but they didn’t tell me there is no “quick-fix” for regrets.”
Anonymous Abortion Patient 18

This barbaric act is not liberating, it is not empowering, but it is absolutely humiliating.

“My nightmare began the day I walked into that abortion clinic. I bought the lie that it was a quick fix. It’s not a quick fix. Instead, it’s a lifetime of consequences…

I felt my daughter kick and punch me as the abortionist administered the medicine inside my stomach. I later found out she was being burned. I unsuccessfully tried to save my daughter by immediately going to a local hospital, the labor and delivery department. But they told me that the healthy heartbeat everyone heard over the baby monitor would soon deteriorate overnight, and it did…

The next day, after seven hours of labor, I gave birth to a beautiful yet lifeless baby named Lenore. As I held her I remember slowly touching each of her fingers and grabbing each of her toes. I was thinking, ’Oh my God, what have I done?’ … I’ve hurt so many people because of the decision I’ve made. This barbaric act is not liberating, it is not empowering, but it is absolutely humiliating. It left an imprint on my heart that will never go away…”
Irene 20

I was manipulated and deceived.

“It’s been 14 years since my last abortion, and it’s been a week- and-a-half since my last nightmare of my abortions.

My daughter and I drove past a church with a thousand crosses in the front yard, and I pulled over knowing what it was representing, and we picked up the crosses and planted them back into the ground. And I told my daughter, my 4-year-old daughter what I had done, and that she had brothers and sisters that her mommy didn’t allow to live. And she said, ‘I miss my brothers and sisters.’ And I said, ‘I do too, honey. I’m so sorry.’ And she said, ‘It’s okay, Mommy.’

But it’s not okay with me. I was lied to. That is not in my best interest. That is not how you take care of women. I was not cared for. I was not followed up on. I was not observed when I was bleeding. I was manipulated and deceived.”
Karen 22

They NEVER told me…

“I had my abortion when I was 19… No one explained to me that I would undergo so many emotional, psychological, and mental after effects… Those people at the clinic, though, never told me about the beginning of life, of the fetus growing. They just told me about the “blob of tissue” to be vacuumed out.

They never told me about the depression, anger, anxiety, fears, and self-hatred that I would experience after the abortion. They didn’t tell me I would lose sleep and my appetite for weeks or continue to be uneasy around babies, children, pregnant women and people in general because I thought I was such a terrible person. They never told me I’d hate myself, that I’d have suicidal thoughts. But the saddest thing for anyone affected by abortion – the saddest thing is that it’s irreversible.”
Rachel 23

When I see pregnant girls I start to cry.

“I regret it with all my heart. I feel like I killed my baby. All I could say after my abortion was I wanted to die. I kept holding my stomach asking God for forgiveness, and I kept screaming I’m sorry. But now it is too late to go back! Now all I want to do is get pregnant again to heal the pain that I feel inside, the pain that does not go away. Also, now I don’t know if I could get pregnant again. All I do is ask God for a second chance. I promise I would do things right. When I see pregnant girls I start to cry. It is so hard to get over. I wish I had someone to tell me it was going to be like this.”
Vivian 19

I still have nightmares in which I am forced to watch my baby being ripped apart in front of me.

“Two weeks after the abortion, I went into labor. I staggered into the bathroom. And there, with my husband beside me, I delivered a part of my baby the doctor had missed. It was the head of my baby. . . I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, thinking I hear a baby crying. And I still have nightmares in which I am forced to watch my baby being ripped apart in front of me. I simply miss my baby. I constantly wake up wanting to nurse my child, wanting to hold my child. And that’s something the doctor never told me I would experience.”
Lori 30

I would give anything to trade this pain and hurt I will carry in my soul for the rest of my life.

“I used to be pro-choice, until I suffered the consequences of abortion, and realized it should be called poor-choice. It’s a poor choice because the truth is hidden from young women and men. Women begin making uneducated decisions, which leads to sorrow and regret. When I realized what I had actually done to my child, it was too late.

Planned Parenthood told me that abortion was safer than giving labor to a full-term baby, they said it did not hurt the child, and it wouldn’t be very painful. I believed it was a procedure done by real doctors with years of experience, and if the government was backing it, I figured that meant it was completely safe and healthy. I also believed the morning after pill was safe, I was simply naïve… Nobody told me the truth. If I had nothing to be ashamed of, if this was really a good, healthy choice, why wouldn’t they tell me the truth? My child had feet and hands. Why does Planned Parenthood think by changing the word from baby to fetus it is no longer murder? Planned Parenthood is not there to help women- they separate a young woman from her parents, and a baby from his mother. I am ashamed to say, I laid on a table and allowed a stranger to rip part of my soul out of my body. This is not what I wanted, this was not a sane choice I made, or any woman makes. Planned Parenthood takes advantage of women who are not in the right state of mind, women who are scared, desperate, and ALONE.

I can tell you of all the physical scars and pain I went through because of this abortion. But none of it compares to the gut wrenching, sick feeling I have in my heart and empty womb. I would give anything for those nine months, I would gladly share my life and my body with my child for nine months. I would give anything to trade this pain and hurt I will carry in my soul for the rest of my life. I can still see my child- I still have visions of all that my baby would be. She runs and she plays in my dreams, she has blonde curly hair, and ocean-blue eyes…Something HAS to change, for the women who will never look into their child’s eyes for the first time and fall in love, for the child that will never take his first steps into his mommy’s arms, for the women that will never hear the word “mama” because an abortion left them BARREN. There are no planned parent’s that come out of Planned Parenthood, only empty arms and cradles.”
Jennifer 10

Sources

  1. Duin, Julia. “Former Abortion Providers Find Peace, Solace in Therapy.” The Washington Times 22 Feb. 2001
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  6. Your Stomping Ground, Bound4LIFE Salinas.” Web blog post. Bound4LIFE, 26 Sept. 2014. Web.
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  8. Video testimonial of Catherine Adair found on LifeSiteNews Article: Pieces of children’: former abortion worker describes life at Boston Planned Parenthood, October 12, 2011
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  10. Jennifer’s Testimony, Found on the Iowa Right to Life website: http://www.iowartl.org/help-im-pregnant/testimonies/jennys-story/
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  12. Michelle’s Testimony was found on the St. Croix Valley Life Care Center Website
  13. Interview with Olivia Gans, the Director of the American Victims of Abortion, National Public Radio show Talk of the Nation, October 2, 2000
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  15. Cami’s Testimony Found on the Girls Who Aborted Testimonials on TeenBreaks.com http://www.teenbreaks.com/abortion/girlswhoaborted.cfm?start=15
  16. The Testimony of Ms. Joyce Zounis from the Justice Foundation Press Conference, Jan. 18, 2005
  17. Tessa’s Testimony Found on the Girls Who Aborted Testimonials on TeenBreaks.com http://www.teenbreaks.com/abortion/girlswhoaborted.cfm?start=28
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  20. Irene Zamarano’s Silent No More Testimony http://silentnomoreawareness.org/testimonies/testimony.aspx?ID=3280
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  30. Flanders, Nancy. “8 Unbelievably Heart-rending Quotes from Women Who Aborted Their Babies.LifeSite News. 2 Dec. 2014. Web.
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  69. Keeping Her Memory Alive. Kelli. Silent No More Testimonies. N.d. Web.
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  75. Colleen. “Forgiving the Self.” Silent No More Testimonies. Web.
  76. Anonymous. “My 16 Yr Old Sons Girfriend Is Pregnant, SHE Wants an Abortion, HE Wants to Raise It…HELP.” Circle of Moms. N.p., 14 Nov. 2011. Web. <https://www.circleofmoms.com/moms-of-teenagers/my-16-yr-old-sons-girfriend-is-pregnant-she-wants-an-abortion-he-wants-to-raise-it-help-673197>.
  77. Jeanny. “Desiring to Spare You Deep Pain and Suffering.” Letter to Unknown Woman. N.d. Silent No More Testimonies. Web.


Women Betrayed

Click the buttons below to learn about three different women and their “safe and legal” abortions.

Christi Stiles

Tonya Reaves

Marla Cardamone

Christi Stiles

Tonya Reaves

Marla Cardamone